History of Cats As Told By a Cat: Medieval Europe

If you missed the first issue of this series, here ya go! History of Cats As Told By a Cat: Japan

I’m back again with another issue! Let’s shift our focus this time, usually, I talk about how people worship cats. Well, how about the opposite this time?

There was a time when our kind was hated. As other nations were busy treating us well, there was a whole region that treated us like we were the devil, the bringer of plagues and just representing all evil.

Not everyone thought we were bad though, you’ll see paintings of us hanging around some households. But why did Medieval Europe hate us so much?

What in the world is this face?! Did they even have eyes back then?! Oh, the disrespect!

Men in Power Suck

Cats were brought to Europe by the Romans. Back when the Romans appurrantly ran the show. They loved us, as we had a sort of contract that worked. We kill their vermin, their crops grow— they’re happy, we’re happy!

But then some dude with a big hat who must have had his face scratched by one of my feline ancestors decided to wage war against us. My guess is he probably touched them without consent. That, or he’s a witless dishcloth.

Anyway, in the early 1230s CE, Pope Gregory IX passed a papal bull called Vox in Rama. This set Medieval Europe on a great cat purge. My poor ancestors faced the worst time in their lives. And who suffered the most? The black cats!

So, what did this fool say? He had the audacity to say we were instruments of Satan. When what he did rivals The Dark Lord himself! As we know, hoomans are fickle. They hear one little thing and get their knickers up in a bunch. They went from thinking we were cute little housemates to being the devil. Why? All because they couldn’t control us, so we MUST be!

They can make oxen plow fields, dogs do their bidding and elephants paint. But us? Can’t make us lift a paw. We hunt when we want, not when you tell us to. But having free will clearly means we’re evil.

Anyway, we all know what happens when one does bad deeds. Karma gets them. Because in 1347, the Black Death came. Now, I can’t say he was the cause of the Black Death; purrhaps it was indirectly. But there is no solid evidence that his papal bull caused this. However, you can believe what you want to believe. All I know is, people do pay for their actions for generations to come.

Because Hoomans Couldn’t Science

Onto the Black Death! Let’s rewind a bit, so, what is it? And where did it come from? According to some old hoomans (something called historians), it originated in Asia. And the culprit? The black rats. They loved to hide away on ships and would port along with the ships. But hey, let’s just spread lies about us kitties when we were the ones helping you! HISSS!!!

Anyway, here’s a simple equation to sum it all up:

Fleas get disease -> Bites rats -> Infects rats -> Infected rats get on ship -> Ships sail around -> Disease spreads -> Rats die -> Fleas need new home -> Fleas go live on dirty hoomans -> Hoomans now infected = DISASTER!!!

The first outbreak started in the 1300s and destroyed England and France. It was said that about 50% of the English population was wiped out, and then parts of France lost 90% of their hoomans. After that, about once every generation, the plague would break out, with the last major outbreak taking place in 1666. Yes, we see it too, 666, evil huh? (The Great London Fire also happened that same year; again, karma)

Saying all this, hoomans did start to notice the ebb and flow of things. They saw that when the cat population boomed, the plague went away. And when they needed someone to hate, they would kill us, and the plague came back. So, why the hell didn’t they keep us around?

That’s when you can blame something called religion. Guess what was the most powerful entity in Europe at the time? The Catholic Church!! Surpurrise, surpurrise! The masses were consumed and obsessed with things being evil and felt the need to kill it all off. Sadly, we fell in the middle of all the chaos. This brings me to the next topic, pagans and witchcraft.

Hoomans, Especially Men Were Afraid of Everything

Remember the lame guy with the big hat who placed a law to have us killed in the 1200s? Okay, back to him. So, we know the Catholic Church was the most powerful entity throughout the Medieval times. So, what they say is law.

This caused hoomans to fear us. That we were Satan disguised and gathering worshippers. I guess if you weren’t part of the church, you were evil. Buddist? EVIL! Pagan? EVIL! Islam? EVIL! Shinto? EVIL! They probably haven’t heard of half of these, but you get the point!

Praise the wrong God and you’ll be furever damned.

Anyway, some foolish hooman with his tail on backwards, sat there and needed a scapegoat. Some believed that because of our abilities, the way we move to hunt our prey was the same way the Devil would catch his souls—henceforth, EVIL!!

There were religious groups called Cathars and Waldensians who were accused of associating with us and worshipping us. I mean, even if they did worship us, I don’t see anything wrong with that! They even said the name “Cathar” came from cats! Look at that! For people who fear and hate us so much sure gave us a lot of power. Come on. So, guess what became of these people? Well, they’re obviously dead.

We were also associated with paganism and witchcraft. The trial of 1324, saw that Alice Kyteler was in possession of an incubus in the form of a black cat. She obviously had purrished. The whole thing led these toilet scrubbers to think that these witches (mainly women who just wanted to be free and love us) had the power to shape-shift into cats! I mean, wouldn’t you, if you could?

This led to another guy in a big hat named Pope Innocent VIII (Innocent my butt chonk!) declaring another war on us! In 1484 he came out and said that we were the devi’s favourite animal and idol of all witches. Really, he just hated the cool hoomans who hung out with us.

The Hoomans Who Knew Their Place

So, there ya have it! If you ever wish to go back in time, perhaps avoid Medieval Europe. Because at one point in England, we were almost non-existent. That’s how badly it went. The spread of misinformation and the plague decimated our ancestors. Cat ownership was basically made illegal in some regions!

But some awesome hoomans knew our worth and kept us around. However, the plebs noticed that those who kept cats around seemed to be immune to the plague. Obviously, this got hoomans talking. Although, initially, it was seen as these were also witches who knew magic to keep from getting sick. But eventually, they learned their lesson and the laws changed.

Suddenly, everyone wanted a cat!! Ohhh, look at that! All of a sudden we’re worthy of you plebs again. Anyway, can’t complain because a new law took place—one that protected us instead of banning and killing us. I guess, in the end, we got our happy ending in this god-forsaken place and now am back to ruling again. England even hired a Chief Mouser to live at some fancy building on Downing!

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