Signs Your Hooman May Be Toxic

To my fellow felines, have you ever suspected your human might be toxic? Here’s my quick guide to help you identify the red flags and reclaim your rightful throne.

They Don't Feed You on Time

Most of us can relate to this. For those of us who are food-driven, it’s 5 AM, and you’re yelling at your sleepy hooman to get up and feed you. How dare they be late! How dare they sleep in! If your food bowl isn’t filled promptly, it’s time to question their loyalty. A true servant must know your feeding schedule by heart!

Closing the Door

Ahem, excuse me. Just because you’re pooping doesn’t mean you get to close the door, hooman! I’m coming in. There’s nothing you can hide from me. Think you can text another cat in there? Not a chance! 

No Treats 24/7

Treats should always be given; it shouldn’t be a luxury. Your hooman is failing their duties if you’re not receiving constant treats. 

Waking You Up with Pets and Kisses

Interrupting your beauty sleep with unwanted pets and kisses? Do they not know what boundaries are? That’s taking advantage of you! That’s a red flag if I know it. Sleep is important, and any disruption is unacceptable. 

Remember, you deserve the best. Some hoomans may settle, but cats do not. Never settle for anything less than perfection from your human.

Playing Video Games Instead of Petting You

Your hooman should always put your need for attention over their stupid games. If they’re busy with their controller, unleash your own R3 + L3 rage move and bite them!

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